I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
