wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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