i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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