i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
