A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
