Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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