he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
