apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize