Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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