I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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