dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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