Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
