Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
COCAINE IS GR8
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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