Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
