I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
