well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
