return my video game
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
