East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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