That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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