I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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