4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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