they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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