3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
