thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
