Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
