ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
