he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
