Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
