when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
