i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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