I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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