apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
