so that wasnt chicken after all
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
