She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
