Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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