Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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