they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
3pm strippers are depressing
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
