it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
