I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
