need another drink. this is the easiest way
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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