I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
