I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
