All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
