Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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