i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
