so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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