Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
