This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There's always time for handjobs
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
