absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
