So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
