pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
