Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
