So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I am naked and annoyed.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
