ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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