The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
