that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
