One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
