Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Welp...herpes.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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