You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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