I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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