my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
