Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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