dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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