he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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