You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
