We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This is classic penis vs brain.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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