what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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