my being single is dangerous.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
